Excuse me but what nut decided it would be a genius idea not to have the Red Hot Chili Peppers come to Portland on their tour? Don’t they know I need to see Anthony Kiedis and his mustache in person? Yeah, his mustache now has it’s own identity and I want to take a lawn mower or a weed whacker to it. If Anthony Kiedis was coming here (with his mustache), I’d bring him a Red Velvet Loaf Cake with my phone number attached to it. And I might as well attach a razor to the cake. Kidding about the razor…kind of. No wait, forget bringing him a cake. He’d probably get red velvet loaf cake crumbs in that wacky mustache of his anyway. Eeeewww so not hot. Or he’d end up with a cream cheese frosting mustache and well I just can’t handle two mustaches at once.
This cake is super simple to make and ooohh so good. If you get a chance to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert (I’m so jealous), bring this loaf cake to Josh Klinghoffer (the guitarist who doesn’t have a mustache) and please tell him how much I adore that he wears 5 million layers of clothes and has pasty white skin. Thank you.
Ok to the cake…sift together 1 1/4 cups cake flour, 3/4 cup sugar, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt and 1/2 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder Set it aside.
In a bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, mix together 1/2 cup plus 2 Tablespoons canola oil, 1/2 cup plus 2 Tablespoons buttermilk (at room temperature), 1 large egg (at room temperature), 1 Tablespoon red food coloring, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and 1/2 teaspoon white distilled vinegar on medium speed for 3 minutes.
Oooh red color.
Slowly add in the dry ingredients on low speed until almost combined. So what does almost combined mean? Basically, once all of the dry ingredients are added, stop the mixer or I’ll smack you with my yellow spatula.
Gently(!!!) fold the ingredients together with a spatula. Don’t beat the crap out of the batter please.
I love to eat red velvet cake batter.
Ok you need to bake the cake in a light colored loaf pan (do not use a dark colored loaf pan) and do not use one that’s glass or ceramic (ala Le Creuset). I would go all baking science nerd on you but I don’t want to bore you. Just please listen to me and thank you.
Pour the cake batter into a lightly greased loaf pan.
There won’t be a lot of batter in the pan (it’ll be about halfway full) but it will rise quite a bit so don’t freak out. Bake at 325 degrees F for 1 hour.
Let the cake cool in the pan on a cooling rack.
While you’re waiting, dance around, eat some Oreos and make some cream cheese frosting for the loaf. Sift 3/4 cup of powdered sugar. I still need an insanely cool looking bowl for when I sift ingredients but Anthropologie costs more than a Burberry purse.
In a bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, mix together 2 ounces of softened cream cheese (please use full fat, do not make me cry) and 2 Tablespoons softened unsalted butter on medium speed for a couple of minutes until it’s smooth.
Add in 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract and mix!
Slowly add in the powdered sugar on low speed. Scrape the bowl with a spatula and then increase the speed to medium high and mix for about 2 minutes until it’s smooth.
Plop the cream cheese frosting on top of the cake and spread it out. Cut into slices and enjoy!
Red Velvet Cake Loaf with Cream Cheese Frosting
1 1/4 cups cake flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup + 2 Tablespoons canola oil
1/2 cup + 2 Tablespoons buttermilk, at room temperature
1 large egg, at room temperature
1 Tablespoon red food coloring
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon white distilled vinegar
Cream Cheese Frosting
3/4 cup powdered sugar
2 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 Tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the loaf:
Sift together the cake flour, sugar, baking soda, kosher salt and unsweetened cocoa powder into a bowl. Set aside.
In a bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, mix together the canola oil, buttermilk, egg, red food coloring, vanilla extract and white distilled vinegar on medium speed for 3 minutes.
Slowly add in the dry ingredients on low speed until almost combined.
Take a spatula and gently fold the ingredients together.
Pour the batter into a lightly greased loaf pan. Do not use a glass or ceramic pan. Use a light colored loaf pan and not a dark colored pan.
There won’t be a lot of batter in the pan but it will rise quite a bit so don’t worry! (it’ll be about halfway full)
Bake at 325 degrees F for 1 hour.
Cool the loaf completely in the pan on a cooling rack.
Once the loaf has cooled, make the cream cheese frosting.
For the cream cheese frosting:
Sift the powdered sugar into a bowl. Set it aside.
In a bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, mix together the cream cheese and butter on medium speed for a couple of minutes until smooth.
Add in the vanilla extract and mix.
On low speed, add in the powdered sugar. Scrape the bowl with a spatula.
Then increase the speed to medium high and mix for 2 minutes until the frosting is smooth.
Invert the cake and take it out of the pan. Frost the cooled loaf with the cream cheese frosting.
Cut into slices and enjoy!